Attention Hound...

...Someone once hinted that I might be an attention hound. 
I smiled. 
You see, I do have OCD (and I battle hideous insecurity, daily)...so yes, I am pretty sure that my OCD does gets attention.
...and I have come up out of abusive situations/where I felt too overwhelmed to even assert myself. 
...and I wrote a novel/book about overcoming dysfunction, that is selling, worldwide
...but the thing is though...it isn't about me, mostly...I open myself up and sometimes even play the fool, to get other people to open up...if people can see that other people have overcome, they are likely to feel that they can, too. 
...that, and being bold, is sometimes a gift, sometimes a curse. 
...for the most part I am all my 2 kids and I have, to stretch resources, to stay encouraged, and to keep us going in this great big world...so I have to willing to be scrappy...lol...and I am making peace with that...

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If you have ever been a doormat in a relationship...or did not feel empowered to change your destructive patterns...well, when you finally do, you are on your way to being different.
...I am different then from who I was the first time I my first husband belted me. 
...I am different than from when I felt abandoned when I left my kids' abusive dad. 
...I am different from who I was just a few years ago, when my latest husband came home and said he never loved me; but that he had only married me so I could help him raise his sons..

I sure as heck had better be different...otherwise I might still be the blubbering idiot that ever lowered my standards long enough to have settle for any one of them...does that make sense? 

I don't hate men...I do feel the abusive, selfish, immature ones give men a bad name...but mostly, it wasn't about them...and if you are struggling in an unhealthy relationship, you may find your abusive relationship isn't 100% about your's man's faults, temper or pain, either...it is not about them all about them, it is about us.

Very few healthy, capable women get the hello knocked out of them more than once...and do you want to know why? Because they leave...if not the first time, at least the second time...and for them it is usually over...there is none of the lame, scary crap of going back over and over...and there is rarely any downward cycle that lets them choose unhealthy guys over and over...nope, because they grasp taking care of themselves...they grasp self-respect...they grasp asserting themselves in a healthy manner...

So if we don't leave immediately...why? If we go back, repeatedly...why? Or if we choose the same kinds of guys over and over again...why? 

Because somewhere in our lives we did not learn, with clear decisiveness, to care for ourselves...somewhere we got a crossed signal...and we built on it...we built our sense of self on a wrong message.

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Here are some truths I am just now figuring out in life:

I do not have to be in a relationship to be whole. 

I am a good and worthy person. 

I deserve to take care of myself; and if I do not take care of myself, no one else will. 

I can learn things I didn't learn as a child and young adult. 

If someone doesn't treat me nicely, I owe it to myself, my God and my children to assert myself firmly and politely...and if they continue to cross the line, it is ok to walk away...no matter who they are.

I like myself; so why wouldn't I take the time to take care of myself?...and even further along that same path...how can I extend care to others sincerely, if I cannot even show it to myself? I can't.

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So, when the dust settles on most unhealthy relationships...usually there are 2 people who need to to heal and get better, not just one...

If you need immediate assistance, dial 911. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE.